A click is heard before Elliot starts speaking.
Well fuck me sideways and call me a spacemonkey… Wait, right. This 'ere is Elliot Hawk, ahem these last two days has both sucked and been amazin' in a lot of ways. Dorothy came runnin' up to me today while I was playin' with the kids. She looked proper pretty, pantin' slightly and then she said I was a cool dude! She also asked if I could fill in for her sick bassist-whatcha-ma-callit James.. Not knowin' anythin' I of course said I wanted to help.. Best decision of my life. Rocked the stage, kinda ironic it was supposed to boost morale considerin' what happened the next day… Anyway, we hanged out and got proper wasted on the good stuff.. No hangover either, all that moonshine as a kid seems to have paid off.. "Makes ye stupid." Yeah right…
A painfully long moment follows before he speaks up.
Then the next day, the aliens attacked. Fucking spacegoats crashing during our dividin' up plan. Was goin' to split up into four convoys. So the aliens showed up, started blastin' all kinds of funky jizz jazz all over the place, some kin' o' electrical plasma I'd reckon.. Yeah that's right, ol' Elliot 'ere knows a thin' or two 'bout ol' sci-fi movies! Turned folk into damn near ashes the moment it hit somethin', then more of those fuckin' faceeaters as some call'em. I don't, but fuck do they bite. Then about two dozens of our Buffalos held the line as hard as they could, fuckin' Billy ran out of ammunition and started shanking'em left and right… Poor Billy, his wife is goin' to kick my ass for not keepin' him safe.
Another painfully long silence before a audible sob.
That's Master Sergeant Elliot Hawk, signin' off.
A loud click is heard.