Journal Entry for Lady Victoria Ashford. Twenty ninth of October two thousand and forty one.
A pause and a long exhale
One trait I have always valued in myself is the ability to detach, to see things with reason and logic instead of with emotions. I doubt any doctor would last long without that ability. No matter their suffering, a patient must remain a patient, not a friend. Death and suffering is part of the job, and if you stop to take it in, it will destroy you. Now… Things are not that easy anymore.
I used to be so sure of what was right and wrong. But I suppose the apocalypse has a way of twisting morality. Does the ends justify the means? Kill millions to save billions? Logically it makes sense. Surgery comes with a risk, and the time after is often painful, but we do it because the alternative would be worse. But where does that line go? Has it changed since before the aliens? Probably. It is very easy to maintain the moral high ground from afar, but when you are in the middle of it? What use is morality if we are all wiped out? How far do we have to go to survive? How much of our humanity do we have to give up to defeat them?
When faced with such a dilemma, it is easy to not do anything. No fear the responsibility of your actions so much that you would rather do nothing. But inaction is just as much a choice as action. It is inevitable that a surgeon kills someone, But by not doing anything, you are dooming them for certain.
A sigh and another pause
I am rambling. I had hoped to detail the events of our little band of survivors here, but it seems I am too busy listing age old philosophical dilemmas. I shall detail the events that led to this crisis of morality, but not yet. And To my pleasant surprise, It seems others have taken my encouragement to record their thoughts, and I imagine there are already descriptions of the events from others. I would listen to them to check, but I feel like it would be a breach of their privacy. I want them to be as open as possible when they talk to the recorder.
A long pause
What is a soldier? They fight, but that is what they do, not what they are.
Another short pause
A soldier is the one that walks through hell, losing part of their souls in the proses, so the rest of us do not have to. Well. That is how it was. I suppose we are all soldiers now… That or dead.